dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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