I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
