I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
