I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
