the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
