I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
