I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
