I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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