are you still at the devil's house?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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