Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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