I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I could fuck to npr.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize