and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
