I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i believe in u and ur pee
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
