I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
