she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
