my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize