So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Holy shit dude........stairs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
