and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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