so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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