Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
