Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
