I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
