I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
