Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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