My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
