sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
