I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
