i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
