i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
