I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
