hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
