With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
