I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
