Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
