I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
