you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
