Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
4 words: hood of his car
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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