i'm signing you up for texting rehab
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish life had little blips of pornography
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
