Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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