So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
