Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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