I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
