so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
