She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
PANTIES FOUND
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