I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
