She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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