I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
