the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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