I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
