fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
