I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
