hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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