i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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