You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
