Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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