I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
