It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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