You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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