my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
