Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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