The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
ttyl tear gas
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
