Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
