i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
