Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
