I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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