Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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